Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
