i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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