So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
