I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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