i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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