OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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