it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
