Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My penis needs a shock collar
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize