I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
