What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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