a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
