For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
