Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Bang-toberfest begins!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
