What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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