Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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