this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
