Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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