I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
