DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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