i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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