An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
