My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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