Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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