we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
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