it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
