And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
