dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize