I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
