adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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