I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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