Where are you?
In a non slutty way
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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