even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
