i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
