Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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