I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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