I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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