youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
