You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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