No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
