Whod you bang
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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