If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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