Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
