He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
