Whoa Z and x make the same sound
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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