id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
