Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
