I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
