I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
