I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
