PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Let's paint friendship bongs
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
