He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
