before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
