i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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