When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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