U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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