I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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