I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
