The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
