if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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