She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
