she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
