it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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