he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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