First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
