my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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