Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
